Writer’s Lair

I’m using this interlude while Underdead with a Vengeance is off being critiqued to deal with something that has been a pressing on my mind for a very long time:

I don’t have a lair.

A few months back, fellow writer Mike Schulenberg (his funny blog is here) and I were doing a little twitter brainstorming to try to solve the problem. It went basically like this:

Liz: You have a lair?

Mike: Of course I do. Where else would I hatch my diabolical schemes?

Liz: I need a lair! Volcano?

Mike: Don’t overlook the timeless appeal of a moon base

Liz: Too cold. Maybe volcanic moon of Jupiter, but that’s too far from Swenson’s Sticky Chewy ice cream.*

* The best chocolate ice cream. I don’t know why other manufacturers bother trying.

The truth is, I’ve had my eye on the perfect lair since I was twelve, or however old I was when I saw A Man With a Golden Gun.

(Imagine picture here. I took it down. Because I was getting  visitors.)

Lairspot: Ko Tapu Island in Thailand. AKA James Bond Island. AKA Liz Jasper’s sweet new Lair.


It has everything I need. It’s warm, it’s gorgeous, it’s in the middle of nowhere, and it comes with minions. Minions who can swirl me up a soft serve and keep the tourists off the beach.

Opportunity for world domination–bonus!

I think I’ll move in this weekend. It’s been deserted for decades. James Bond fully ousted that lame squatter who drew attention to himself by trying to takeover the world. (That is NO way to treat a secret lair. He deserved what he got.)

If you have a lair, please do tell me about it. Perhaps I’ll send one of the minions over with a nice bowl of soft serve.

8 responses to “Writer’s Lair

  1. Mike, don’t think I didn’t notice you didn’t tell me where your lair is. (And yes I used three negatives in that sentence.).
    Not to worry. I taught earth science for five years. I can triangulate. Please have some wine and cheese ready. I’m coming for a visit!

  2. My writers lair is down the street and has coffee and eggs in it. And sometimes wine. I have a mobile office (in my green bag) and can write just about anywhere except at my desk! Crazy, hey?

  3. I like that it’s called a Lair. Much more diabolical sounding than a cave, which is what I have. Though to be fair, the writing cave’s location is top secret (to keep out highly distracting classy British actors), has a walk-in closet full of disguises (for those times when one must leave the cave undetected), and is always stocked with strong coffee, dark chocolate, and wine. Perhaps I need to construct a “lair addition”, a super secret part of the cave that can only be accessed through a door disguised as something else, like dance floor.

    I fear this new idea will be as distracting as a certain classy British actor…

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